One thing I’ve realized over the course of my recovery is that I don’t have to carry my burdens alone. I don’t have to struggle in silence. Carrying the things that weigh me down, as a party of one, holds me back from moving forward. It’s amazing to realize I have a team. People I trust. People who’s love and support lighten my load.
In this podcast episode my friend Jeni and I both share our own personal eating disorder stories: where it started, the mindset, the pain, and ultimately how we each chose recovery. It is because we have walked through these dark places that we’ve acquired our own special gifts. Gifts that help us connect to other people- especially other women – a depth of understanding and empathy that we would not otherwise possess, had it not been for our eating disorders.
I hold such appreciation to all that gives light. It is because of this suffering that I am able to value joy. It is because I know what it means to be hollow & empty, that I have chosen to live my fullest life. This was the first time I publicly shared my story and I am so thankful to Jeni for giving me the strength to do so and quite literally being by my side…because it is when we share our fears that we diminish ALL the power they have over us. As Jeni told me: it’s a war and each battle you win is another battle that makes you stronger! Remember you don’t have to fight your battles alone.
Also just a disclaimer that these are adults having adult conversations – there may be topics we discuss that you find triggering, so please do whatever you need to do, to take care of yourself!
Sticks and stones
My bones have grown
I used to hide
What once was cold
Comprised of mere skin and bone
What once was so frail
But a frame of bare timber and nail
Had shrunk & shriveled
So small and disfigured
A deep cold that stayed, lingering
Until a beam of white light
A warmth of desire so trite
A small flame ignited
In truth it delighted
To know it could live
But great effort it would give
To grow out of a line, knowing what’s yours is NOT mine
This race to save face
Why had I never known my place
My spine stands straight
The ligaments can now carry their weight
I’m hungry to stand tall
I will rise and cast my call
They will listen to my voice
It’s chords brightened, by choice
I want to live.