In my over-analytical mind I stumbled upon this paradox. First of all, when I’m feeling insecure and not-good-enough about something I can feel an additional wave of shame because I know it’s bad ju-ju to stay focused on the negative.
I know for me I can feel comfortable in this negative place. It’s oddly calming and reassuring. I’m also aware that it’s uncomfortable to change what feels “natural”. And herein lies the paradox: it seems disingenuous to avoid honoring these negative feelings. If I choose to “sweep them under the rug” and I go on acting as if everything is gravy, wouldn’t that be like betraying myself? On the other hand I know energy follows thought, so negative thoughts and emotions breed more negativity, resulting in more Debbie-Downer energy.
I reasoned that it’s good to acknowledge how I’m feeling. And this is what I have been doing. I stay in this place with these negative emotions and thoughts…and how is this working for me so far? Where’s this gotten me?
I’m all about self assessment but don’t get me wrong facing your own music can be one of the most challenging things ever. But in this ah-ha moment I had, I realized that thinking negatively and hanging around my self-doubts and insecurities is actually NOT serving me (go figure).
So I looked up the definition of ‘service’ or what it means to serve, and quite simply it means: an act of helpful activity, to be useful.
So I decided that when these negative thoughts show up, because let’s be real they will! I‘ll treat them like that awkward person you don’t want to get stuck talking to at the grocery store. I will politely smile and say hello, but I won’t stop my cart…I will keep moving forward.