Earlier this week I went to attend my usual yoga class. As I walked in my teacher was there greeting everyone and introducing the studio’s newest teacher, Emma, who would be leading class that day.
I remember feeling resistance to this. I felt frustrated that I wouldn’t be receiving “my usual” yoga class, the one I had anticipated, the one I always look forward to. I decided that this new teacher was probably not going to be as good, and I dropped my expectations a bit. I recall having these thoughts and I’m honestly a little embarrassed to admit how trite this all sounds. But I was truly feeling SO resistant to this unexpected change.
But as I laid down on my mat in child’s pose and began to follow Emma’s instructions to listen to my gut, take my time, and most importantly for me: give myself permission to NOT overthink [each pose]. It was with this permission that I began to feel my spine lengthen with every downward dog, chaturanga, and warrior II…
My body, for the first time in a LONG time, was moving effortlessly. Flowing and filled with a new found space, spilling over with confidence and joy. I know this may sound a bit flowery and wu-wu but I honestly have not felt this way in my body in almost a year, but that’s a story for another time.
I have been fighting to find this space for almost 12 months. But I discovered during this hour on my yoga mat with the new studio instructor Emma, that the freedom to access this space comes in the act of letting go. Letting go of expectations of what we think something SHOULD be and instead accepting it as it is. I found myself again that day. My fullest self, invigorated with a newly discovered energy and aliveness.
During the savasana, Emma had laid a chilled lavender towel on each of our mats. I chose to lay mine across my eyes. As she instructed us to inhale “I am” and exhale “enough”. I could feel my eyes begin to water as my hot tears met the cool terry cloth. If you know me, you know this phrase is on my bathroom mirror and I have it set as a daily reminder on my phone. It’s my go-to mantra. As Emma continued to remind us all that we were enough, that we had done enough, we had worked hard enough. I melted. I felt so thankful to have received this gift. An hour of movement that reminded me of how free I truly am.
Have you ever cried in a yoga class before? Or had a mind blowing ah-ha moment?